Ayahuasca & Divine Mother

For me, plant medicine includes anything that comes from the earth that is used in a conscious, purposeful way from food and natural supplements to cacao as a facilitator for personal exploration to magic mushrooms and ayahuasca. Many of us have heard of ayahuasca and psilocybin or magic mushrooms. I have had personal experiences with both of those and want to talk a little about my ayahuasca experience today. 

When I first started to consider having an ayahuasca experience one of the main things for me was that it was conducted by an authentic medicine man or shaman who had been leading ceremonies for many years. The way that I find out about certain opportunities is something I take into consideration and my ayahuasca experience was not different. I was attending a temple tour in Sri Lanka a few years ago with about 30 other people. And on the morning we were to leave on the tour a young woman came up and we started talking about the tour and how we knew Karunamayi, the guru leading the tour. Things that happen when I am attending one of her events or in her presence I pay close attention to because I have had some amazing things happen when I’m with her. Within about 20 minutes of talking, Ishwari, this woman, was telling me about an ayahuasca ceremony she was planning to attend when she got back to the states. This was something that she had been doing for the past 10 years with the same shaman called Rudra. Rudra is an incarnation of Shiva. That is also going to get my attention. So I asked if I might be able to also attend. She got on her phone right then and there and before we left the hotel, I had made the arrangements to attend the ceremony. I could feel Karunamayi’s hand in the ease with which it all happened and settled into the experience I was there to have which was nothing short of phenomenal. I’ll talk about that in another blog so please stay tuned. 

After I returned to the states there were only a few weeks before the ayahuasca ceremony. It is recommended that you follow a specific diet to cleanse and prepare your body for the ceremony. My diet is pretty clean already but I did my best to follow the guidelines. Most anyone who has looked into ayahuasca is well aware of the vomiting that goes on in the ceremony for many people. I wasn’t looking to do a lot of vomiting in front of people I didn’t know so I took the dieta, which is what it is called, seriously. And I’m very glad I did! I’m happy to say that despite massive purging going on around me, which is often enough to encourage your own, I didn’t experience any purging in that way. I’m not saying I didn’t feel nauseous at all but I am pretty good at breathing through that and settling it down. For me, as long as I just kept my eyes closed, I felt more settled I guess is the best word I can come up with. I started to say I felt more in control but at no time did I feel in control of what was happening. I think for many that is what scares them the most.

The shaman, Rudra was from another country and he was quite a presence. When he walked in the room it was clear he was a force to be acknowledged and respected which is what I wanted. He gave a brief explanation including a few guidelines which included not laying down during your experience and asking for assistance if you needed it. He then had each person come up individually and take the cup and drink the brew. I watched each person and saw various responses to it with the first being that the man was barely able to get it down. I had already decided how i was going to do it and when it was my turn, I went up and locked eyes with Rudra. As many teachers do, he drilled a hole in me and I felt like I had known him a very long time. I felt a kind loving energy. I held my breath, threw it back and had a long exhale and went back to my seat. I barely tasted it. It was a full room and once everyone had their cup he began to sing. These songs are said to be revealed to the shamans in deep states of oneness. He had several instruments and I had never heard such sounds before. I decided that these were the most beautiful songs I had ever heard. About the same time, a very loud rumbling, like a jet plane, began to reverberate, I thought, in the room and it was so loud I opened my eyes to look around to see what it was only to realize it was inside me. This deep rumbling identified itself as the mother vine and flew all over my body into every nook and corner. It was a deep feeling of connection and support. I had absolutely no fear of what this experience would be like. I found that if I opened my eyes that I was so dizzyI couldn’t see so I opted to just keep them closed and simultaneously an incredible display of mandalas and colors and shapes like a kaleidoscope was going on behind my closed eyes. It was amazing. I felt overjoyed and exuberant like I hadn't in a very long time or maybe ever. And as he sang I allowed my body to move in any way it wanted to. It was fantastic. I bounced around like a ping pong ball with absolutely no concern for what anyone thought. I loved it. Then the most profound thing happened. I could feel an enormous presence enveloping me. It was exquisite. I asked who is this and simultaneously I realized it was Divine Mother, Goddess, Mother Mary, whatever version of the divine feminine you feel most comfortable with appeared. For me it was not a particular Goddess but a loving feminine energy.  She told me she was always with me and that I should never doubt that, that if I closed my eyes and called she would come before I could finish calling her. I melted into her and told her it had always been her that I had felt and that I knew she had always been there for me and how grateful I was. There just are no words to describe this exchange and I truly have no idea how long it went on. It was pure bliss and full merging into the energy and experience. When our love affair began to become less consuming, and no part of me wanted it to end, there was a gentle but strong assurance that she was right there at all times and I should never ever doubt that. If nothing else of value came from the ceremony, this one piece of my experience was worth it all. I have never felt such love and acceptance. Don’t forget that I found ut about this experience while I was with who? Divine Mother in the form of Karunamayi. How cool is that? She knew how much I wanted that experience and put it in my path. We need never underestimate whether our prayers are heard. So much of my sadhana or spiritual practice has been and is about connecting with this nurturing feminine energy, calling her and asking her to show herself to me. And there she was. In all her glory and magnificence. It profoundly changed me. There was lots more that happened that I will share in another post.

I wanna say that plant medicine is very misunderstood. So much fear has been generated by these types of substances that is unsubstantiated. There are a plethora of stories about personal experiences of people from all walks of life having powerful healing and life changing experiences using these substances. As with all things, the flip side is also there but your intent, preparation, readiness and a few other things play key roles in your experience.