You are 100% Responsible for Your Life

I want to ask you a question. Can you think of anything that is going on in your life right now that if I asked you if you agree to have this happening you would say no? I think many of us can think of something that is not as we wish it to be. So what kind of agreement do you have with it if the rational, logical mind would say no to it? How else could it be there unless you allow it to be there which to me, is an agreement. 

Our lives are a series of agreements. Isn’t it true? Without your agreement, how could any of this be happening? Think of this agreement as a framework, a lens through which you view life. Each of us sees the world in our own way. We see it through our own lens, and filter it through our own experiences and knowledge. Our lens is unique to us. No one else has had the exact same experiences we have and each of us have called in the experiences our soul needs to grow and evolve. You trust your soul, right? What knows better than your soul what you need? We have created all of our experiences from within ourselves. This is quite a concept to digest but it is an ancient teaching. When we begin to take responsibility for what we have created, the most incredible thing happens. We have access to the power to either change it or expand it further! Certainly it can be a big shift to understand that we have created whatever we are experiencing, especially if we’re not enjoying it and have determined that it is someone else's fault. But as Matt Kahn says, it's not happening to you, but for you. There is an inherent opportunity in that kind of thinking. And thinking that way keeps you out of the victim mentality, of being at the mercy of forces or circumstances beyond your control. When you learn to allow things to unfold instead of trying to control them, you get out of your own way and allow your intuition to guide you as it’s meant to do.

It's a game changer to accept responsibility for what you are creating, but bigger than that is the power you have to change it. If you created it, you can uncreate it. We give a lot of power away to people and circumstances that we ultimately created and can uncreate. That’s the really big news, that if we created it, we can also uncreate it!! Take a moment to feel into that. Can you agree to be responsible for everything in your life? Who else would you want to have that job but you? Feel into the power that gives you in your life. Can you agree you want that power?

This is a time when many of us are feeling hopeless, lost, abandoned, rejected, angry and more. We can easily connect to the victim mentality that is widespread in the collective energies right now. Many have lost a lot of what they have worked their entire life for, what they thought would provide happiness and security. And without a spiritual foundation in their life, now feel lost, cheated, hopeless and stuck in a downward spiral of inertia and blame. Why would we create such a difficult experience for ourselves? 

For me, the answer is simple. We create difficult experiences for ourselves in order for our for soul to grow. I see everything that happens as an opportunity for my soul’s growth. That helps me relax into difficulties and look for the opportunity, for the path to grace, instead of trying to avoid, fix, or blame. I’m not saying I like all that I have chosen, nope I surely don’t but I trust that it’s ultimate purpose is growth and expansion and I am solidly committed to both of those without question. Can you agree that your soul’s growth is your top priority? Or that it deserves your consistent attention? Clients often tell me they don’t have time to deal with certain recurrent issues. Or they have tried but it never works. Those statements represent an agreement for situations they don’t want, to exist, an acceptance that it’s always been that way and will never change. And with that kind of thinking, they are correct. It will never change. Remember, nothing changes until YOU do. As Henry Ford said, if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. This is where the real power is. If you created it, if you agreed to it, then you can uncreate it or end the agreement and create a new agreement that reflects what you really want. 

One of the places we might have an unspoken, unwanted agreement in place is in our personal relationships. Obviously, it’s unlikely you would knowingly agree to be the place where someone else dumps all their drama but so many of us are. People tell us we are good listeners because they dump all their crap on us and then they feel better leaving us with all the crap they just dumped. Maybe you have  a friend, coworker, or family member that is in a constant drama of one kind or another. As soon as one ends, another one sprouts up. Virtually every time you talk to them, they launch into a he said she said dialogue of blame and shame that has them all spun out. It’s exhausting and frustrating trying to talk to them. Do you agree to listen to all that drama? Do you agree to be used as a place  to offload all that density? Over and over, day after day you listen to all the complaining. Why would you agree to that? Each time you listen, you are agreeing.  And how often do they return in the future with another version of the same story? It’s ok for you to decline to listen to their drama. You can ask for a new agreement. You could say, “I’m really working on myself right now and figuring out my own life so I’m going to be focusing my time and energy there. I care about you and I think it’s time for you to figure out your own life just like me. So, I’m going to take a break from listening to other people's stories and problems.” It is 100% ok to choose to focus on yourself! If someone is offended by that, oh well. You are not here to manage other people's crappy situations and energies unless you truly want to and can do so without it negatively impacting you. 

Another place we have agreements is in playing certain roles for others. There is an ancient teaching that says we chose our parents and family. I know many have very challenging dynamics within their family. And some can find few positive reasons they would have chosen their family. But knowing what we don’t want can be just as powerful as what we do want. And again, if we chose based on what our soul needs to grow, then as difficult as it may be, the rewards or what we can gain will far exceed that unpleasantness. Change the mind, change your perception and the story /experience must also change. Again, nothing changes until you do. And isn’t it grand that we have the power to change, at any moment, what we think?

Back to agreements to play certain roles. Sometimes we are playing roles another will resist letting us play for a wide range of reasons. Say for instance, you are your parent’s teacher. That's a tough one for most parents. Most parents know their kids can be powerful teachers and will tell you that but when it comes to being a willing student, that’s another story. I’ve found that eating a little crow in front of my boys from time to time is a very powerfully bonding experience. Even if you’re sure you’re here to teach your parents about something, they may not be able to agree to learn from you. In that case, just quietly set an example of that teaching. They can follow it or not but you setting that example can go a long way to helping them get it!

Another place I see people making unconscious agreements is when they tell me how someone is going to respond, what they will say or do if they do a, b, or c. That constitutes an agreement for things to continue to go exact that way! The way you don’t want it to go! Is that ok with you? You don’t truly know how someone will respond! Give them a chance to surprise you! Hold space for them to make a different choice. You are just as much a part of the problem if you’re expecting something you don’t want or something they don’t have the skills to give. We have to be careful what we think because it might happen! Agree to give people a chance to surprise you. Unless you can open up to that possibility it doesn’t exist in the field of potential. Does that make sense? What we think is what becomes possible and we spend far too much time thinking things we do not want.

I’ve given you a lot to consider today. Maybe it’s time to make some new agreements.

Thank you for listening to my podcast! I hope you have received something of value today and will join me tomorrow. If you have any questions, please contact me at suzanne goldston.com. Until then, be kind to others, the planet and yourself. Look for the opportunities in each situation for your soul to grow. See you tomorrow.